I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
