period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
