I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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