why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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