I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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