I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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