I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
