So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
