i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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