I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
