i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have already put on my inside pants.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
