Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
