2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
