is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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