Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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