May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
