I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
