My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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