Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
