Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
