i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
