thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize