they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
