So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
