when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
