First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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