If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
