hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
