I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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