He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
