I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
