Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize