i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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