you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
