Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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