I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
