This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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