I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well you can't waste a boner
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
