I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
