Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize