he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
