I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
