this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize