My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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