just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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