remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
