chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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