Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
