9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
