so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
