she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
