Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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