so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
