Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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