in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize