I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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