The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
