i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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