I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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