So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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