Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
