Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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