I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
