so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
