If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
