im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
