My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If its not for food we ain't going out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
