So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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