WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
