all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
