i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
