Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
