Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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