Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
