Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When are your genitals available?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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