WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
