I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
