beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
