I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
