I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
