I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize