Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
