I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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