allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
