Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
