the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize