I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
