I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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